For neurodiverse people, the Christmas season can create challenges in many areas of life, from the increase in social commitments to feeling a social pressure to gush over your presents in front of those eagerly awaiting your reaction.
We spoke to three neurodiverse members of the ProblemShared team – Lizzie Elgar, Nikki Read, and Kirstie Gorman – to discuss how the holidays affect them, and the strategies they employ to make Christmas a little more manageable.
How does the disruption of regular routines affect you during the holidays?
Lizzie Elgar, Operations Specialist
‘The festive season can be difficult, especially as I’m only just starting to settle after the seasonal change and darker evenings. I need regular anchor points like dog walks, or I start to feel lost or irritable.
‘I usually take minimal time off over Christmas for that stability, but I’m off for a week this year, so I’m trying to stay mindful of how that might affect me.
‘I have lots of pets, so they’re often a good reason to leave early or avoid things so I can keep a routine for them, but really, the structure helps me too. I use it to keep some predictability when everything feels busy.’
What strategies do you use to maintain structure or predictability during the season?
Nikki Read, Research & Development Lead
‘As a family, we adopt a day on/day off approach. We actively support each other to make sure there is regular ‘down time’ between the fun and chaos of Christmas.
‘The calmer days are filled with familiarity, low demand, and allow us to recharge our batteries so that we can really enjoy the busier days. We give each other plenty of space on the quieter days to minimise social demands.
‘We also use a digital calendar so that the ‘structured’ days are clear and we can visualise what’s coming up.’
How do you manage sensory overload during busy festive events, such as parties or crowded shopping areas?
Kirstie Gorman, ADHD Assessor
‘I plan my routines like missions to boost interest. I map out the shops I'd like to go to in chronological order from busiest to quietest; I start with the busier ones so I’m not overwhelmed by the end.
‘I also make sure I’m aware of any seating areas in case I do get overwhelmed. Noise cancelling earphones are a must as well, they’re lifesavers!
‘Finally, my bag must be ready to go. I make sure everything I’m taking with me is easy to grab. I always know where my earphones, wallet, and bags for life sit, so I can ensure I’m in and out of places as quickly as possible.
‘As for parties, I always take a little breather outside as more people start to arrive - whether it’s chatting to someone one-on-one away from the rest of the party, or just taking some time alone.
‘It helps reset my mind, which in turn helps me communicate more easily with others when I return to the party.’
Lizzie Elgar, Operations Specialist
‘I save some annual leave days each year so I can take a few mid-week days off in December. The shops are much more manageable then. They can still feel overstimulating with all the Christmas lights and music, but headphones usually help me cope.
‘I’ve also reduced the pressure by choosing to shop in charity shops for all my presents. It turns the whole thing into a bit of a treasure hunt, which makes it far more enjoyable. Plus, I’m often the only person in the shop mid-week, which makes it calmer and much easier for me.’
Do you create ‘quiet zones’ or escape plans for gatherings, and what do these look like?
Nikki Read, Research & Development Lead
‘I have ‘scripts’ to help with needing to exit before overwhelm hits. Where comfortable, I’ll explain that I may need to leave early but that I really appreciate the invite.
‘I let people know that I’m always chuffed to be invited to events and gatherings, even when I can’t make it, so please do keep asking. I also ask friends to remind me to check my diary to minimise my favourite party trick of double or triple booking myself!
‘For those that can feel a little hyper-vigilant in a noisy space, it can help to take a few minutes to do a ‘tour’ and find a quiet spot or a space that feels a little less hemmed in.’
How do you handle the increased social demands and obligations during the festive period?
Nikki Read, Research & Development Lead
‘We sit down as a family and have frank conversations about how we're feeling and what we think we can manage.
‘Social demands are wrapped around with restorative days. Plenty of time is factored in to counterbalance the increased social activity.
‘We usually squeeze in a couple of long beach walks with the dog to clear the cobwebs and get a break from the sensory aspects of the Christmas holidays.’
How do you deal with the pressure to mask or ‘perform’ socially at gatherings?
Lizzie Elgar, Operations Specialist
‘I’m lucky that the small circle of friends and family I have now understand the real me much better. It’s taken time, and I’m still learning. I sometimes slip into being the ‘life and soul’, even when I’d rather be at home under a duvet.
‘I’ve realised I need proper downtime after social events - quiet time where I can reset in my own world if I need to. It does take planning, which isn’t my strength, but when it comes to protecting your mental health, giving yourself space isn’t optional. It’s something you have to prioritise.’
Do you set boundaries around spending, surprises, or expectations?
Lizzie Elgar, Operations Specialist
‘I’ve never been comfortable opening presents in front of others because the expectation to react ‘the right way’ feels like a lot of pressure.
‘I much prefer opening gifts alone and responding when I’m ready. It’s always been a tricky part of Christmas Day, as my family enjoy opening presents together.
‘When I was a teenager, we agreed on a compromise; instead of taking turns while everyone watched, we would all open our gifts at the same time in the same room. There’s still a bit of pressure, especially with my mum glancing over, but it’s a compromise that feels manageable.’
What myths or assumptions about neurodiversity surface more often at this time of year?
Nikki Read, Research & Development Lead
‘That there’s a one-size-fits-all approach to an inclusive Christmas!
‘Some of us love the whole package: the baubles, lights, all the socialising and Michael Bublé on loop. Some of us need consistency and to maintain our typical day-to-day.
‘One person’s overspend on beautifully wrapped gifts might be another person’s gift in a bag on the table until March when it’s familiar enough to explore.
‘Sitting quietly in a corner might just be the perfect way for us to party; so might be hosting the neighbourhood for a Christmas supper.
‘The best thing is to ask us what we enjoy and how we like to be included.’
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